Monday, 5 December 2011 @ 9:58 pmLife is full of the unknowns..
There are so many things that I dont know of. The past that has remained concealed all this time, is now unfolding, revealing what it holds.
Why does everything seem so surprise me? Until last night, I've never known my mother's chinese name.
Until last night, I've never known that my mum's father wasn't from a wealthy family..
I've never known how much burden my grandmother has carried all this while.
I've just been told, that she was from a wealthy family, but due to family tradition, all the wealth went to the males(her 2 brothers) and she had to struggle to survive with her husband, who wasnt as wealthy as her.
And they had 10 children. no, 11 supposedly. One passed away. She was my mum's twin sister.
I've never heard of the cause of the death until last night. My grandmother fell in the bathroom while carrying the unborn twins in her stomach, which caused only one to survive. yes, only my mum survived.
My mum said, if only my grandma had reported her fall to her dad, the medical treatment wouldn't be a problem and both children could have been saved.
I've also never known the real reason why my grandmother wanted her children and grandchildren to be doctors untill last night.
The truth shook me.
Why is the past carrying so much sadness and regret? Why? Why is there so many IF(s)..?
If that had happened, it would have been different. If only blah blah blah, it wouldnt turn out this way.. blah blah.
Now I really feel grateful, blessed, thankful, lucky to be born in a wealthy family.. My mum didnt even get the chance to study abroad, and now I have the chance. I really should use it wisely. I dont want to waste all the hard-works done by my family... I shouldnt take their love for granted. Mum, Dad, everyone, I love you all, and I really mean it. I want to say this before everything's too late.
I've never seen my grandfather(from my mother's side) face-to-face. He had passed away from stroke, before I was born. Truth is, I have always wanted to meet him alive, wanted to see his said-to-be-tall-and-big figure with my own two eyes.
I have only seen him in pictures, and they are not enough.. I want to see him with my own two eyes. I know this is selfish.
Right now, I can only say, God, please, let my feelings reach him, my grandmother, my dad, my mom, and the rest of my family and all my friends. Let my voice be heard by everyone..before it's too late..
I love you all... you heard me? I love you.