Sunday, 2 October 2011 @ 10:01 pmI feel unloved :(
My parents came here on Friday, and they told me that next week, my mom and my lil bro,Richard will be coming. He will be applying to lodge and if approved, will be staying here with me.
Then, after talking about it, somehow my father said that he'll think about it again, since my older bro, Charlie will finish his A level next year and will further his studies somewhere else, I'll be staying alone. and since next year I'll be in year 10, I will only live here for like 2 years, provided I'm not taking the A level here.
My father said that If that's the case, richard will end up living by himself. so my dad said that maybe richard will be studying in Indo until I finish my O-level, and when it's time for me to go further my studies, Richard will tag along and continue his studies.
I was like wth?
It's as if they dont care about me. It's as if they're okay with the fact that I'm living here alone, defenseless and Im a girl. where did all the sexism go to? I thought they care about me? So they actually care more about Richard lah? Do they think that someone who can only cook simple stuffs can manage to live on her own? They think I can still study when I also have to manage my time in order to be able to finish the housework? They expect too much from me, to the extent that I feel burdened.
first, they sent me here, to Kuching cos they wanted me to accompany my bro who was living alone
second, they expect me to beat Amy in studies, which until now, I have never accomplished
third, they dont want me to sleep late. but my brain works best at night duh. I always study at night.
fourth, they always ask me to be home by 7, so that I have enough time to cook for my bro after I come back. wth? he can tapao food lah. and he can also cook, like seriously.
now, they want me to live by myself ? I cant even wake up by myself =.=
And I also feel confused. I think too much, I'm aware of that. But this time, it's something I NEED to think about.
I've always thought my parents wanted me to be a doctor. It turns out that only my mom wants me to, my father doesnt. Just 2 days ago, my dad talked to me, saying that I shouldnt aim to be a doctor, because it will be hard for me to work in Indonesia if I get my degree overseas. To adapt with the condition and to be able to open my own business in Indo, there's a need of whatsoever-adaptation-kind-of-thing which takes years to finish. So by the time I can work for my own living, I'll be at around the age of 30? 40? who knows.
So, yeah he disagrees. So now, what did I take the 3 sciences for? I was actually interested in taking busienss studies, and Art. but since we need Chem and Bio to be a doctor, I took them :(
I guess now I cant learn Chem and Bio with heart. not that I dislike them, not that the passion I have inside has vanished. Its just that there's no reason for me to study and score As. There's simply no reason. Without reason, I just cant learn things with heart. and I really want to take art D:
what to do? where to further my studies???? at first I've decided to go to some medical schools, but since it's like this now. where should I go to? not much time to think, if Im about to leave after O level, I have to apply a year before, which means at the end of year 10, and that only gives me a year to decide, to think. Oh someone please help me. T_____T